Nenne, our neighbor, from when we lived on the Torenlaan years ago, has a birthday. She turns eighty and has invited us to a festive lunch at Castle DE Hooge Vuursche on Saturday afternoon. We lived next to her for over 13 years, which was also when her husband Henk was still alive. As a five-year-old boy, our Joost often visited her for lemonade with a cookie and was then allowed to gently ping on the beautiful Bosendorfer grand piano, which was in the front room. Twenty years later, he still thinks back to it with warm feelings of security. To her great regret, Nenne did not have any children of her own.
It is Saturday at Twelve O'clock when we arrive at the Castle neatly dressed, Nenne loves it. We are warmly welcomed by the manager, who knows Ria well because of the many marriages she has made here and are offered a glass of champagne. A large part of the company, which consists of close family and friends of Nenne and certainly numbers about sixty men, is already present. Nenne is happy to see us. She enjoys all those loved ones around her. After a short welcome speech from a cousin, we are invited to sit at the table.
After the appetizer comes the surprise. We are asked to move to an opposite room, where chairs are lined up in rows, and at the end a black shiny grand piano is waiting patiently. That has to be beautiful and special, in the line of Nenne. Her life has always been dominated by music, for example she has been a soprano in the Goot Broadcasting Choir.
Full of anticipation we sit down and I start to wonder who will play for us on this Saturday afternoon. And then a sliding door opens on the left side. A small, slightly toned figure, tight in the suit, smiling broadly, suddenly stands in front of us: Wibi Surjadi. An applause full of surprise sounds. Wibi bends and sits down and it becomes mouse silent. The first notes of Chopin's beautiful Nocturne opus 9 No. 2 in E flat fill the space, the piece of music that played a central role in the impressive film The Pianist by Roman Polanski. I let myself be carried away by the music. Especially not thinking, but being one with the music, goes by itself.
When the last notes have died away, Wibi takes the floor and says that he only gives concerts for small companies with high exceptions, but that the spark passed because his favorite grand piano is also a Bosendorfer. It's nice to make such a decision from the mutual music experience. This afternoon, however, Wibi is not playing a Bosendorfer, but a Fazioli, also special, which was specially brought to the Castle for that.
The next piece he will play for us, he composed for his mother. It is called ‘Voor Mama’ and interprets her musical life journey: the child – the mother – the care – the wisdom – recognition – recognition – strength – the lasting child – Security. Those are the parts.
Another moment of silence and concentration and Wibi begins. The masterful virtuosity and the great emotion of the beautiful piano playing touches our hearts. The beginning shows the extremely delicate lullaby theme of 'the child ‘and through the beautiful parts of the life journey the music ends with’ the enduring child ‘and’security'. The lullaby theme returns here, but now larded with warm tones of the acquired wisdom, strength and recognition. The circle of life is round again.
It makes me realize at that moment that the child within us, though deeply hidden, always remains and that the older we get in our search for who we are, we come ever closer to that pure child, which settled in us when we were just born. The circle really wants to go round.
Is it not the case that being a grandmother and grandfather, after often an eventful life journey, in which ambition has gradually given way to meaning, meaning and anchoring, Awakens ‘the enduring child’ in us? If so, when we grow older and have become grandparents, could the ‘who we really are ‘come to the surface again, and show ourselves to’ the child ' in purity and impartiality? Yes, I believe that opportunity is within our reach.
"The enduring child" is not in our head, but in our heart and gives us the opportunity to connect deeply with our newborn grandchild. Our warm heart tones of’ the enduring child ‘then resonate with the same, even more delicate lullaby theme’ the child ' of our grandchild, and give IT security. This goes from heart to heart, after all, fortunately, our very young grandson does not yet live from his head.
One Sunday morning at seven in the morning there is a gentle knock on the door of our bedroom and the little one, then only four weeks old Dived, is entrusted between us in bed by the two radiant parents. This is given to us wholeheartedly, they just leave us alone with Dook. I feel a wave of happiness pass through me as I lay my head right next to him and look at his cool face and fluttering arms. Then our eyes meet and when I start talking to him softly, the bulging cheeks tighten and the first smile unfolds on his face. What a party. This is not taught, this is pure. It must be the case that then his little heart listens to my heart, and that we are deeply connected at that moment. "The child" with "the enduring child". I will never forget this moment and I am sure that the first seed of a lasting bond has been laid at Dook.
’ The lasting child', which happily dares to manifest itself more and more in us as we grow older and then as grandparents, is our natural ability to cultivate that bond of feeling with our grandchild. That is why grandmothers and grandfathers are so important, they no longer have to prove themselves as necessary, the anchoring and manifestation of’the enduring child’lays the seeds of a deep relationship with our grandchild. It creates the feeling of security that every child longs for and that is so important for their spiritual development.
Isn't singing a beautiful lullaby at bedtime by Grandma or grandpa the most beautiful gift you can give the child?
Boy Van Droffelaar, PhD
